Please let today be good. Please. Don’t cry today like last year. Let everyone be happy.
I just want things to go smoothly today-this year.
Sometimes I feel like my own mother isn’t my mother at all. Does she ever think that I get sad too. It’s all about her it seems sometimes. She doesn’t act like a mom. Sometimes when I am at work-I see a really great mom come in. I think to myself how privileged their children are to have her. Don’t let go. At least she will notice when you are crying in front of everyone. Instead of ignoring my sobs.
So I have this hidden blog that no one knows about yet it’s the most public website I have for blogging. I can never remember the password so yeah. This is prolly where I will go from now on to write my endless blogs I have stored on there. Prolly lose a few followers with this one. My boyfriend never checks my Tumblr anyway. So fuck it.
I am horrible at grammar and don’t care for it when my mind is going on the fritz with loads of crap I’m am dealing with.
I feel…like I am becoming a drama queen. I admitted to my boyfriend the other day that I believe I am not good enough for him, or he is too good for me. I feel he deserves better. Yet I know he treats me right and everything, but it isn’t perfect. I got all sad and upset when after a movie at the theater he did not hold my hand or put his arm around me or anything normal relationships involve when attending a movie theater. At first I was all sad, but then when I confronted him about it, he said he was sorry and everything. And i thought-I could’ve just left without getting sad and said-“hey why didn’t you put your arm around me or anything during the movie?” and he could have just explained to me why and that’s it. -done!- but…no. I had to be the queen of drama. break down. cry. …loser. I felt so stupid after that, and continually apologized for my behavior. But then I feel like there must be a deeper reason or something. I confuse myself and him probably. I confuse you probably. It is the smallest things that make us cry. The smallest things. And for them, I pay the price of difficulty understanding myself for why these things, and why I constantly think of them.
Sorry for the long and grammatically incorrect post.
